No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
