They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize