This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
