i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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