I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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