I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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