Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
