Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
