I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So many bounce houses so little time
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
