I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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