Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
