theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
