I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
