Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
