Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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