I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
