He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
