first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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