is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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