Your mouth is God's brothel.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
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Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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