my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
