well you can't waste a boner
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
