oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The air was thick with penises
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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