Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
