apparently the secret to your success is patron
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
