i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
