Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
