so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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