I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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