You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
