my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
