We named our party play list daddy issues
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We had to coat check the pizza.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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