after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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