Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
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First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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