i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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