i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
