Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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