dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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