You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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