Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my being single is dangerous.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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