I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
