my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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