Don't make out with my wife yet
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
