If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
