shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
