Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
