Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
