I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
