I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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