threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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