Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
