Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
