the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
