I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
