I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
