my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
