never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
