i can't believe i had my finger in that
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
