Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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