broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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