"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
