Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
