Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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