Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
