you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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