considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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