Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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